ON FIGHTING or DOMESTIC ARGUMENT

Mom sez to never ever once allow your husband/ partner/ boyfriend to hit you. Once a man can do that and you allow it; the man will do it again. Never ever show the man that you are afraid of him. No matter how frightening a man can be, never take it all sitting down.
I have to say that I do take this to heart. And my husband, God bless his soul, has not ever hit me in anger although there was once when I did provoke him so very badly enough to injure. He stood there, hand raised, and it was as if time stood still. In my bravado, I said, "You dare hit me! You think I can't fight back?! and if you do hit me, don't expect me to stay around for more."
That is why Mom always stresses on education. She sez it's important that we have a good education and a job that if anything happens to our marriage, we don't need to depend on our husbands.
Which reminds me...Mom sez to only receive GOLD as presents: gold rings, gold bracelets, gold necklace....... Gold isn't only beautiful but it's also valuable and saleable and pawnable. Hence, if it doesn't work out, and in desperate moments, you have gold to fall back on. (Note, in our country though white gold is gaining popularity, it's not exactly worth it to buy white gold because there is no resale value. So by GOLD, I mean Midas Touch GOLD - the yellow one). However, all these is like contingency plans coz most importantly, is to get a good man or woman in the first place. As I've said before, Mom sez love is not blind! Observe. Ask questions. Answers can be revealing.
Before I married my husband, I asked him so many questions, even trivial ones like:
"After we're married, do I have to iron your clothes?"
Lord only knows how much I hate ironing. If I can avoid it, I would and to this day, after nearly 6 years of marriage, I only iron for my husband when he's in a hurry. Otherwise, he does his own ironing. My dad does his own as well.
"Can we eat out every day?"
Early on in our relationship, I did not reveal I liked cooking. Yeah, so what I like cooking? I'm not gonna be a slave to the kitchen! So he said well, it's okay to eat out every day but it'd be nice to eat in once in a while.
Anyway, early in our marriage, we had a small episode. We decided to eat in and while waiting for the food to reach the table, my hubby fell asleep and did not want to wake up. I got kinda pissy coz I put in all the effort only to eat alone. I put my foot down. I told him after the previous night, I don't want to cook anymore, not voluntarily that is. And he wants me to cook, he has to put in a request and if I don't feel like it, I won't be cooking.
"What are my responsibilities as a wife?"
I don't really like housework. I do it but I really wanted to know if I'm being married coz he wanted a live in maid.
"What are your responsibilities as a husband?"
I don't want to be a nagging wife and if he already knows what his responsibilities are, I don't have to nag.
"Can I work after we're married?"
Some husbands don't allow their wives to work after they are married. So I wanted to get that out of the way.
"Are we having any kids?"
I know of a woman who got divorced after some years of marriage coz the husband didn't want kids.
"What if our child scratches our car, would you whack the child?
It just so happened at that time a friend of mine was telling me about a case where a father beat his child very badly for scratching his car with a nail. I think he broke his son’s arm. I really can’t remember the details, so I’d better not try. But the point of the matter is, would he beat the child for scratching his car? And the answer was ‘No’ and as I got to know my husband, I’ll have to say that he’s not one of those guys who washes his car every morning and evening. He services the car and everything but that’s mainly it. No sports rims or those sporty stuff that some men like to put on the back of their cars, etc.
I also asked him about money issues, and in-law issues coz a lot of couples fight about such issues.
If you like the idea of asking questions but haven’t a clue about what to ask, you can get 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married by Leahy, Monica Mendez.
You can also read a review of the book posted by Floral Tan or read about it being discussed.

Mom's Advice

Here's how it works. Mom's advice always comes when we are watching TV or she's reading the news or when she get some interesting stories from magazines or friends. I have to strongly state that my Mom is no gossip. And she'd tell us about some of it so that we learn from it.
Here's a situation:
Husband works away/ abroad. Husband is not in fine shape but every weekend, husband wants to come home. Wife dissuades husband, thinking of his health. It's okay. You don't have to come home. After some time, husband stops asking. Husband apparently married another in the country he works at.
Moral of the story: If husband wants to come home, let him come home. If husband invites wife to go abroad or holiday with him, go! If not, he wouldn't ask.
I don't know. I remember someone talking about a lady who'd follow her husband wherever he went as if it was a crime. I was like, I don't see anything wrong with that. It's when the husband doesn't ask to follow, it becomes suspicious. I remember reading an article (dun remember if it's a magazine or newspaper article) but this lady's husband would go for holiday with his buddies and apparently, he frequents prostitutes and the wife felt so betrayed when she found out that his trips were anything but innocent.
Mom always said that when you find a husband, don't find one who's nice to you and every other woman. If he can be nice to you, he can be equally nice to other women.
Mom also said don't marry men who are jealous all the time. You know, overpossessive. Some women may think it's an ego booster to have a man be jealous. But later, they'll live to regret it. I don't know. I always seem to attract people to come to me with their problems, even with strangers, on buses! I don't know if it's because I'm a good listener which I may be but close friends like to say it's because I'm not judgemental. Maybe, that's true coz I always believe that there's two sides to every coin.
Anyway, I met a young girl on a bus and when she found out I had a long distance marriage at that time asked me how I coped with it and I said that it's tough but managable. When my husband can't come back for the weekend, I'd go to him. My mom didn't trust me to take two kids on the bus, and all their baggage, so I'd go alone.
Then she got to telling me about her fiance. I congratulated her. She however was having doubts. She was not happy with him because he was possessive. When she came home from work, she's not allowed to leave her flat to go down to nearby restaurants to get her dinner and if she did so without his knowledge, he'd find out about it coz some of his friends live nearby and report on her. He thinks that she likes to go out and I asked if that was true and she said, 'Yes'. So were his fears or worries valid? Some might think he's a good and caring fiance and takes good care of her but she begged to differ. She couldn't be in contact with any of her friends from college or school but it was okay for him to still be in contact with his old friends. She was not allowed to wear certain clothes and so on. So should I say? I told her to think about it. Was she happy? Did she tell him that she was not happy with the way he treated her? YES. Were there changes? NO. Apparently, she had tried to break up with him many times but he didn't want to let her go. Oh dear.
So moral of the story: Yes, sometimes, it's nice to have a guy feel jealous but let it be for all the right reasons.