Mom sez to never ever once allow your husband/ partner/ boyfriend to hit you. Once a man can do that and you allow it; the man will do it again. Never ever show the man that you are afraid of him. No matter how frightening a man can be, never take it all sitting down.
I have to say that I do take this to heart. And my husband, God bless his soul, has not ever hit me in anger although there was once when I did provoke him so very badly enough to injure. He stood there, hand raised, and it was as if time stood still. In my bravado, I said, "You dare hit me! You think I can't fight back?! and if you do hit me, don't expect me to stay around for more."
That is why Mom always stresses on education. She sez it's important that we have a good education and a job that if anything happens to our marriage, we don't need to depend on our husbands.
Which reminds me...Mom sez to only receive GOLD as presents: gold rings, gold bracelets, gold necklace....... Gold isn't only beautiful but it's also valuable and saleable and pawnable. Hence, if it doesn't work out, and in desperate moments, you have gold to fall back on. (Note, in our country though white gold is gaining popularity, it's not exactly worth it to buy white gold because there is no resale value. So by GOLD, I mean Midas Touch GOLD - the yellow one). However, all these is like contingency plans coz most importantly, is to get a good man or woman in the first place. As I've said before, Mom sez love is not blind! Observe. Ask questions. Answers can be revealing.
Before I married my husband, I asked him so many questions, even trivial ones like:
"After we're married, do I have to iron your clothes?"
Lord only knows how much I hate ironing. If I can avoid it, I would and to this day, after nearly 6 years of marriage, I only iron for my husband when he's in a hurry. Otherwise, he does his own ironing. My dad does his own as well.
"Can we eat out every day?"
Early on in our relationship, I did not reveal I liked cooking. Yeah, so what I like cooking? I'm not gonna be a slave to the kitchen! So he said well, it's okay to eat out every day but it'd be nice to eat in once in a while.
Anyway, early in our marriage, we had a small episode. We decided to eat in and while waiting for the food to reach the table, my hubby fell asleep and did not want to wake up. I got kinda pissy coz I put in all the effort only to eat alone. I put my foot down. I told him after the previous night, I don't want to cook anymore, not voluntarily that is. And he wants me to cook, he has to put in a request and if I don't feel like it, I won't be cooking.
"What are my responsibilities as a wife?"
I don't really like housework. I do it but I really wanted to know if I'm being married coz he wanted a live in maid.
"What are your responsibilities as a husband?"
I don't want to be a nagging wife and if he already knows what his responsibilities are, I don't have to nag.
"Can I work after we're married?"
Some husbands don't allow their wives to work after they are married. So I wanted to get that out of the way.
"Are we having any kids?"
I know of a woman who got divorced after some years of marriage coz the husband didn't want kids.
"What if our child scratches our car, would you whack the child?
It just so happened at that time a friend of mine was telling me about a case where a father beat his child very badly for scratching his car with a nail. I think he broke his son’s arm. I really can’t remember the details, so I’d better not try. But the point of the matter is, would he beat the child for scratching his car? And the answer was ‘No’ and as I got to know my husband, I’ll have to say that he’s not one of those guys who washes his car every morning and evening. He services the car and everything but that’s mainly it. No sports rims or those sporty stuff that some men like to put on the back of their cars, etc.
I also asked him about money issues, and in-law issues coz a lot of couples fight about such issues.
If you like the idea of asking questions but haven’t a clue about what to ask, you can get 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married by Leahy, Monica Mendez.
You can also read a review of the book posted by Floral Tan or read about it being discussed.
3 comments:
ju, come to think about this gold as present. maybe for next year, i should get bani to give me gold eventhough i hate wearing all those accessories. did you receive any email saying forex will go down and money in back or paper money will be worthless in the future, etc.. etc .. etc ...
so to be on the safe side, i should wear all this gold stuff right?
Muahahaha. You asked so many questions? Good for you. I don't think many people do during the courting stage. ;)
issit too late to ask some of the 1001 questions??? hahaha
But seriously Ju, sama la kita. I hate housework, detest ironing. The only thing i don't mind doing is cooking. hehe I'm glad i let my hubby know about this undomestic side of mine before we got married. So far he's a doll with helping me around the hse. hehe Now we have a maid, less work for me la, but hubby still helps around. Sometimes he even cook his yummy western meals, when i'm too tired to bother with dinner. ;) Dulu when we din have the luxury of a helper hubby ironed his own clothes too, thank God. :)
I dont care if there are people out there who feel it's not a man's place to have anything to do with housework. You know how some people think it's dayus of a guy to help his wife around the house. Well I think it's very gentlemanly. These women are probably just being sour grapes. haha I'm glad I married a man who's man enough to help his wife even with 'trivial' household chores. So there! ;D
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